In honor of the Christmas Season and my newfound love of Paleo and 4 Hour Body (at least new in 2011) – I penned (sort of plagiarized) the following poem. While the original still is a classic – I’m sure my “Paleo” version is bound to rank right up there with the other Nights Before Christmas versions!
Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a cookie was baking, (my kids think I’m a louse!).
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that Paleo Claus soon would be there.
The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of bacon slabs danced in their heads.
And ma in her nightgown, and I in my jammies,
Had just settled in after working out my hammies.
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the door I flew like a flash,
Forgot it was locked, hit my head, got a gash.
The moon on the yard of the new-fallen snow
Gave the impression of mid-day to objects below.
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature sleigh, and six Paleo gurus.
With a healthy, strong driver, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it must be Paleo St. Nick.
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name!
“Now Sisson! now, Ferriss! now, Wolfie and Fragoso!
On, Dallas and Melissa! , you Whole30′ers are LOCO!
To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!”
And then, in a twinkling, I heard in the drive
The grunting and gnawing of meat eaters made me feel alive.
As I went back inside rubbing my head,
Down the chimney Paleo Nicholas came (sans bread).
He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished with butter and bacon grease.
A bundle of Primal Pacs and Paleo Desserts he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a caveman, ripping into his pack.
His eyes-how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!
His cheeks were healthy and rosy, his nose like a cherry!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow.
The stump of deer jerky he held tight in his teeth,
And the smokey cure smelled deliciously sweet.
He had a broad face and no sign of a round belly,
So I’m pretty certain he gave up breads and the jelly!
He was solid and strong, a right jolly old elf,
And I laughed (and sort of cringed) when I saw him, (because I had just ate biscotti)
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon let me know I had nothing to dread.
He spoke not a word, but went straight to working,
And filled all the stockings, with fresh veggies, nuts and some jerky.
He sprang to his sleigh, to his Paleo team gave a roar,
And away they all flew just as quick as before.
But I heard him exclaim, as he flew out of sight,
“Happy Christmas to all, and to all a Primal Good Night!”
Merry Christmas to all of my friends and readers! May you have a blessed, and Healthy Holiday!